HEART, ARTS, LAUGHS AND INSPIRATION

BURIAL AT SEA
BY TRACY BECKERMAN

As I plugged my phone into the outlet next to the toilet, I had a fleeting thought that it was sort of an odd place for an outlet.  I guessed the previous owners installed it there precisely so they could charge their phone and use it while they were doing their business.  That was actually the last thought I had before my phone slipped out of my hands and fell directly below the outlet …

Into the toilet.

The good news was the water in the toilet was clean.

The bad news was it was still water.  And you’re not supposed to get your phone wet, much less have it do a deep-sea submersion in your toilet bowl.

For the lucky few, a wet phone will grudgingly continue to work with maybe a few glitches.  But typically when this happens, the phone immediately turns into a gremlin and fries its own insides.

It’s not pretty.

“Ack!”  I yelled and plunged my hand into the toilet bowl to retrieve the phone.

“What’s wrong?”  asked my husband.  He’s used to hearing me make strange noises in the bathroom, but this was not my usual repertoire.  I emerged from the bathroom with the phone cradled in a hand towel.

“My phone decided it would be fun to go for a swim,” I said forlornly.  “It did a tuck and roll and then flipped into the toilet to its watery death.”

“That’s not good,” he replied.  “What did you do to it to drive it to do this?”

“I added the Pokemon Go app.”

“That would do it,” he said.

I shook my head.  Whether it was my fault or the phone’s was really irrelevant.  The issue now was what to do to try and save it.

“What should I do?”  I asked him.

“OK, so first turn off the phone,” he directed.  “Then get a plastic bag, fill it with dry rice and seal the phone inside for 24 hours.”

“You know, they not only say not to get your phone wet, but also not to feed it after midnight,” I replied.  “Besides, I don’t think the phone is hungry.”

“It’s not for eating.  Theoretically the rice will absorb the water from the phone and dry it out,” he said.

“Have you tried this before?”  I wondered.

“Yes.”

And did it work?”

“Never.”

I sighed.  It sounded completely ridiculous to me, but I figured I had nothing to lose except a cup of rice and a very expensive cellphone.  Thus decided, I wanted to make sure I got it right.

I went to the pantry and stuck my head in looking for the place where I stockpiled the rice.

“Does the rice need to be long grain?”  I yelled.

“No.”

“Wild?  Basmati?  Jasmine?”  I wondered.

He sighed.  “No, just plain old white rice will do.”

“I don’t have any white,” I yelled again.  “Can I use brown?”

“Yes.”

I poked my head back out of the pantry.  “I only have organic.  Is that OK?”

“Sure,” he groaned.

I poured the rice into a baggie and turned to my husband.

“Do you think the phone will be dead after all this?”  I wondered.

“No,” he replied.  “But I will.”

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