ART, HEART, INSPIRATION, FOOD AND LOVE

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE
BY TRACY BECERMAN

While I was driving in the car, I heard an ad on the radio for oven mitts.

“Sometimes, taking pants out of the oven can be too hot to handle!”  Exclaimed the announcer.
I gaped at the radio.  What was the announcer talking about?  Who puts the pants in the oven?  At first, I thought this was really odd, but then I recalled that I know someone who puts her baseball caps in the dishwasher, so I figured that maybe there are some people who dry their pants in the oven.

I guess it gives you that baked-in denim goodness.

However, while this might be good in theory, drying your pants in the oven could be a major problem if you forget that they are there.  At the very least, it puts new meaning into the term “hot seat,” and at most, you could end up with blackened jeans.  Torn-up jeans are a big look right now;  charred pants … not so much.

There had actually been one time — when my dryer was on the fritz, and I had the usual 10 loads of laundry to do — that I did  think about about using the oven to dry my clothes.  I quickly nixed this idea though, because a) it was almost dinner time and I needed the oven for my chicken;  b) it was an old oven and there was probably only enough room in there for two pairs of shorts, much less all my family’s pants; and c) I usually overcook everything I make, and therefore there was a good chance that even if I didn’t burn the clothes, I would heat them up so long they would shrink down to Barbie doll size.

Like the case with the cap in the dishwasher, I knew that using your kitchen appliances to wash, dry, heat up or cool down your clothing was not such an outrageous idea.  I read that you can wet a bandana and put it in the freezer for 15 minutes to cool you off on a hot day.  Of course, if you forget that’s in there you’ll end up with a paisley-printed block of ice that would look superfine on a yeti but pretty ridiculous on you.

Eventually I chalked the commercial up to another example of marketing idiocy.

And then a short time later, I was in the car with my husband, and I heard the same commercial again.

“Sometimes, taking pants out of the oven can be too hot to handle!” exclaimed the announcer.

“How stupid is that?”  I said to my husband.  “Who puts their pants in the oven.”

“Their what?”  he said.

“Their PANTS!”  I repeated.

He stared at me in silence.

“It’s not PANTS,” he finally said.  It’s PANS.”

I absorbed this piece of information and realized I was the one who was an idiot.  I also realized that the next time I hear a commercial on the radio, I should pay more attention.

Especially if it’s a commercial for hearing aids.

Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, “Barking at the Moon:  A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble.”
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