WEDNESDAY READER | July 20
Hello friends – officially celebrating the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer …
Well, it’s hot here. Multiple days in a row of triple digits. My lawn is less than impressed and showing it by going into hibernation. Ha! My mom sent some love to my giant American Elm outside the front door. Heavy duty soaker hose. It’s so great. Welcome to this week’s Wednesday Reader. Enjoy! Have the best day.
- AT AGE 9 YEARS, 6 MONTHS AND 19 DAYS, HANNAH DIEM OF SEMINOLE, FLORIDA, BECAME THE YOUNGEST PERSON TO BOWL A PERFECT SCORE. “WHAT IS A PERFECT BOWLING SCORE?
- THE WEBSITE https://www.fool.com SPECIALIZES IN DISCUSSION AND ANALYSIS OF WHAT SUBJECT?
b) Investing and personal finances
d) Stand-up comedy
- TRINITROTOLUENE IS MOST COMMONLY USED FOR WHAT PURPOSE?
a) Making explosives
b) Treating heart ailments
c) Insulating space satellites
d) paving roads
- WHICH TV ALIEN CAME FROM PLANET MELMAC?
b) Connie Conehhead
~ Leslie Elman archives, copyright 2018
WHAT DOES BRAVERY MEAN TO YOU?
POP QUIZ ANSWERS
- c) 300
- d) Investing and personal finances, aka the “motley fool”
- a) TriNitroToluene, TNT, is used in making explosives
- a) Gordon Shumway, better known as Alf (for Alien Life Form) is the TV alien from the planet Melmac
CLEVER + HILARIOUS VETERINARY SIGNS
- DNA TESTING HERE. WHO’S YOUR DOGGIE’S DADDY?
- SILLY PETS! WORMS ARE FOR BIRDS! FECALS 15% OFF
- THE ONLY BALLS YOUR DOG NEEDS ARE THE ONES HE FETCHES
- IF CAT COULD TEXT YOU BACK. THEY WOULDN’T.
- IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE ENDS UP IN A CONE
- DINOSAURS NEVER WENT TO THE VET. LOOK WHAT HAPPENED
- WHAT DO YOU FEED AN INVISIBLE CAT? EVAPORATED MILK
- WHY SHOULDN’T A DOG TOOT IN AN ELEVATOR? BECAUSE IT’S WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS
- HOW MANY CATS CAN YOU PUT INTO AN EMPTY BOX? ONLY ONE. AFTER THAT THE BOX ISN’T EMPTY
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG THAT LET HER PUPPIES OUT ONTO THE STREET? SHE GOT FINED FOR LITTERING
- HOW DO CATS END A FIGHT? THEY HISS AND MAKE UP
- DOGS PREPARE YOU FOR BABIES. CATS PREPARE YOU FOR TEENAGERS
- THE 5 SECOND RULE DOES NOT APPLY IF YOU HAVE A SECOND DOG
- CATS HAVE 32 MUSCLES IN EACH EAR. ALL TO HELP THEM IGNORE YOU
I’VE ALWAYS LOVED THE IDEA OF NOT BEING WHAT PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO BE.
((Starve the Landfills. Recycle.))
RIDDLE ME THIS
NAME ME AND YOU DESTROY ME.
What am I?
GREEN APPLE SHAKES
Like a caramel apple with ice cream! Leaving the apple peel on adds a great color to the shake. Makes about 5 cups
In a bowl:
3 cups Granny Smith apples, unpeeled, cored, diced
1 TBSP lemon juice
Toss juice and diced apple chunks together. Place on a baking sheet, lined with foil. Freeze 20 -25 minutes.
4 cups vanilla ice cream
partially frozen apple chunks
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup apple juice or apple cider
1/2 cup purchased caramel sauce
additional caramel sauce
chopped Salted Nut Roll candy bar
~ Hippie Cowboy Recipe Box
Why aren’t dogs named Shannon anymore?
The bimbo yellow lab next door was named Shannon. I know this because my entire childhood was spent listening to myriad voices screaming, “Shannon! Get Back! Shannon, come! Shannon, heel! Shannon, don’t eat that squirrel! Shannon, dig a hole for that squirrel you just killed!”
I hated Shannon. So did my pet, a Portuguese water dog named Teddy. Shannon and Teddy had nothing in common. Shannon was energetic, friendly and dumb as a dodo. Teddy was smart and moody and demanded you earn his attention. But they both had one thing in common: a normal dog name.
Shannon was one of two dogs named Shannon. In the early ’90’s their name was basically the Jessica or Jennifer of every fourth-grade classroom. And Te4ddy, short for Teddybear, was just as common among canines. Two of my best friends had dogs named Teddy; another friend had a friend named Bear.
The other neighborhood pets included Max, Fluffy, Rascal, Ginger, Buddy, Maggie and Kitty. And yes, Kitty was a kitty. Oh, how, we mocked Cutie Pie when she came home from the pet store. “Cutie Pie?” we railed.
A dog ahead of its time, that’s what kind of dog.
Last night, while I was teaching my class on writing for children, one of my students said she wanted to name her main character after her own dog and asked if I saw a problem with that. I said probably not and asked to hear the dog’s name.
Crisscross Applesauce Lemon Squash Peppermint Floss.
“What?” I asked.
She smiled and repeated slowly, “Cris. Cross. Apple. Sauce. Lem. Mon. Squash. Pep. Per. Mint. Floss.”
“Right. But what do you call her?”
“Crisscross Applesauce Lemon Squash Peppermint Floss.”
Of course, no nicknames allowed in the land of weird dog names. And good ol’ Flossy, as I like to call her, is only the latest tongue twister to come out of a long line loquacious dog owners.
Lately, I have not met a single Shannon or Teddy or Fluffy. In their place have been Moonstruck Cupcake, Thunder Boom Boom, and Twitch Kevin. I recently met a Boston terrier named Greg and immediately said to the owner, “Wow! A single syllable dog name!” She looked at me, strait-faced, and said, “It’s short for Gregasaurus Coming This Way.”
Of course it is.
I blame “How I Met your Mother.” When the characters Lily and Marshall decided to give their son the middle name Wait-for-it, they made full sentence names a thing. Sure, Marvin Wait-for-it Eriksen may be a cute fictional on-screen Cheese-Puffs-Are-Better-Than-Cheez-Doodles-or-Carolina-Springboard-Loves-Piano-More-Than-Earl, I’m going to need an inhaler to get through saying their names. Also, poor Earl! Who is this Earl? And why does he deserve to be defamed this way?
At first I thought the obscure pet names were a Hollywood thing, but then I moved out of Hollywood. So then I thought it was a living-in-the-wild-thing, but even my friend in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., has a four-legged loved one named Holly Bo-Bolly McMolly Is Not Tall-ee.
Uncommon names are cool. I have an uncommon name. My kids have uncommon names. My rabbit, Pig has an uncommon name. But is there really anything wrong with naming your Chihuahua Sally. can’t the hipsters do us a solid and take back the names Fluff and Scruffy just to be ironic? Isn’t that their thing, to trail blaze back into yesteryear when things made a tad more sense and pants were a tad too lose? Where, oh where, is the micro-mustachioed wisdom of the hipster millennial to set us straight from our sentence-structure naming obsession?
I’m not asking much in life, just nicknames! Texting an anecdote about you precious pup Holly Bo-Bolly McMolly Is Not Tall-ee would be a whole lot faster if you just typed “Holly.” Nicknames, people! Or — here’s this crazy idea — actually name your dog Holly.
“Katie! Come over here right now!” I heard my new next-door neighbor yell angrily. I ran over to her and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh,” she said a little embarrassed, “I meant my dog Katie.”
Crisscross Applesauce Lemon Squash Peppermint Floss is growing on me.
~ Katiedid Langrock archives, copyright 2018 Creators
- Reader Sarah Lennon of Indiana inspired this Trivia Bit about Indiana native Dick Weber, professional bowling’s first bona fide superstar. A founding member of the Professional Bowlers Association, Weber won 30 PBA Tour titles in his career and is one of only two bowlers to win PBA championships in six different decades. (The other is Johnny Petraglia.) Lesser- know fact: It’s likely that Dick Weber was the model for the silhouetted bowler on the PBA logo.
- Toss around words such as “phlyarology” and people may think you’re talking nonsense, which, in a way, you are. From the Greek phluaros (“silly talk”), phlyarology does indeed mean “talking nonsense” — and a phlyarologist is a person who engages in phlyarolgy. Though the practice is wide spread, the word itself is uncommon. It seems to have been coined in an article about meeting clergymen, that was published in an English periodical in 1867, possibly never used again.
- With steel in short supply, President Woodrow Wilson approved construction of ships made from reinforced concrete to supplement the U.S. Navy fleet during World War 1. The largest was the SS Selma. Launched on June 28, 1919, the day that Germany signed the Treaty of Versailles to end WW1, the Selma never saw active duty. Instead, it became a commercial oil tanker. It suffered damage to its hull less than a year later and eventually was scuttled to Galveston, Texas.
- The story of Jonah and the whale appears in both he Old Testament of the Bible and in the Quran. Although the details vary slightly, both accounts begin with Jonah being commanded to preach to a community of nonbelievers. When he can’t accomplish this successfully, he hides away on a boat that becomes caught in a life threatening storm. To save his fellow passengers, Jonah is cast into the sea, where he is swallowed by a whale. His life is spared because of the prayers of repentance he makes inside the belly of the beast.
~ Leslie Elman archives, Trivia Bits trademark